god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
