I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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