did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i will never coherently bang her
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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