It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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