Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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