listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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