I accidentally burped into my bong.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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