So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
