the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
