would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
