Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
