Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
