I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
