I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
