So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
porn star boner night. come get it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
