Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
