I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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