he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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