so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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