I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
