The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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