I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize