Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
