I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
