I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
