i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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