He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
