Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
