I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
