My nipple is on Facebook.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
