i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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