NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
