its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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