he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
