i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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