she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
