member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
