I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
