Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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