Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
