My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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