My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
