Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
