dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
