Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
