I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
