My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
