i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
