i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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