; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
