Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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