All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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