dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
