I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
