i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
