just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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