Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
