I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
