I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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