that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
