you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
