why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
