The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
