I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
