He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
