All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
