I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
