well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
