what day is it and did you see me today?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
