the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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