just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize