what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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