About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You can't motorboat a personality
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
